Feb 172010
 

I have been an XM subscriber since July 2006, in that time the monthly fees have risen from ‘about $9’ to $15, while many of my favorite stations have been lost or have transformed into something that is barely worth listening to.

A couple of months ago I realized that I am not using the service at all and decided to try to cancel it. At the time I had three radios signed up and I was spending $45 / month. On radio !

I ditched one of the radios and XM offered me ‘three months for $40’, which was not a bad deal, so I took it. Yesterday we found that both of radio’s were no longer working. Coincidentally I also got the renewal notice.

XM Everything – Monthly – $12.95 + $1.98 Music Royalty Fee per unit.

So I called XM………..After several minutes of ‘your call is important to us’ messages and some seriously bad on-hold music…
XM: Hi, welcome to XM Radio, my name is (garbled) how can I assist you today
Me: Hi, I want to cancel my account please, my account number is 1-2129512nnn
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, can you just verify your name and address please
Me: Sure, My name is Max and I live in Mission Viejo.
XM: and your street number ?
Me: 26835
XM: and the last four digits of your credit card ?
Me: I do not want you to charge my card, I want to cancel my account please.
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, I see that you have been a customer since 2006.
Me: Yes and I no longer use the service as much as I did, I just want to cancel the account please.
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max…….
Me: Oh, also you have cut off both units too, so even if I had been interested in the service, as neither current receive XM I am SOL.
XM: I am sorry to hear that, perhaps your signal was blocked by something and…….
Me: it does not matter as I want to cancel the account please.
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max…..
Me: Please stop reading the script and please simply cancel the stupid account.
XM: I cannot do that.
Me: Why not ?
XM: Because i do not have permission to do that.
Me: Put me through to your supervisor then.
XM: They do not have permission to do that either.
Me: aaaaargh – who do I need to speak to then ?
XM: The customer retention team
(She did not call them that, she used a phrase along the lines of ‘customer loyalty group’, but it is obvious what she meant.)
(on-hold musac and XM adverts)
(more on-hold musac and XM adverts)
XM: Hi, this is Sally* with XM customer loyalty, how may I assist you today ?
(If her name is really Sally I will willingly eat my hat.)
Me: I want to cancel my account, can you do this for me ?
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, I see that you have been a customer since 2006.
Me: Please stop reading the script and just cancel my account.
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, I see that you have been a customer since 2006.
Me: Stop it, stop reading the dammed script and cancel my account
XM: Ok Max, may I ask why you wish to cancel my account today ?
Me: Please just cancel my account, OK ?
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, I see that you have been a customer since 2006.
Me: …and stop reading the bloody script at me, listen, I want to cancel my account because I hardly use it, it is an expensive luxury that I can no longer justify.CANCEL, CANCEL, CANCEL !
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, I see that you have been a customer since 2006, I wonder if I could find a less expensive option for you…….
Me: Why won’t you listen to me you idiot, I want to cancel my account, I do not use it, I cannot justify the expense, I use Pandora or ooTunes or my ipod or heaven forbid terrestrial radio in my car.
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, I need to ask you a few more questions
Me: Please, just cancel the account, please, i do not want XM any more, I do not use it, I cannot justify it, please just cancel it.
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max, may I ask why you want to cancel your service ? I see you have been a member since 2006.
Me: I do not use it, please cancel it.
XM: I am sorry to hear that Max……..
Me: Stop saying that you are sorry, I am a lost cause, it does not matter if you were to pay me to listen to XM, I am not interested any more, nothing you can say to me will change my mind, even if you say ‘sorry with double brass knobs on it’
XM: I am sorry Max, but I need you to answer a few more questions
Me: (sigh)

I answered every question in as negative a fashion as I could possibly think of and eventually ‘Sally’ got the message that I was a lost cause and consented to cancel my account.

Total time on the phone ? 16 minutes….

  One Response to “Adventures in dealing with Customer Retention departments…”

  1. I’ve had similar encounters with other “service” providers. Apparently they took their business model from AOHell.

    I’ve had XM since 2005. It’s in my wife’s minivan only. At one point I thought about getting a tuner for myself, but then I learned I’d have to pay $$ for each unit. The first year the service was great. By the third year it started to go down hill, and once XM merged with Sirius the whole thing went to pot. My reason for buying was commercial free radio. That no longer exists. Second to that was the programming, which has gotten stale. Third, and now about the ONLY reason I would keep it, is to listen to baseball games while engaged in long distance travel. I can hardly justify it. I feel the same about cable tv; anymore, it’s an expensive nuisance.

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